i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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