So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
