yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
