So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
