He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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