i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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