Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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