my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
