Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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