she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
