i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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