the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
