you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
