plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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