When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
