none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i think my cat just said my name.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
