I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
