So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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