woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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