you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The ass gains better be worth it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
