Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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