I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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