If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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