Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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