So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
