I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
