eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
