I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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