I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i now understand why vodka
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
