So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
