how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
