I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
