Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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