i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
