i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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