New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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