Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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