On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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