i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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