I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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