Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
