I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
