actually, I'm a sock model
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
