I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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