she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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