there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
