he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
