im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
