So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
