If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
