Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
