You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
