A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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