i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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