to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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