i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
