DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
