I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
