ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
