Can Purell be used as lube?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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