did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
