Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
