Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
