I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
