like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
