piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
