Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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