i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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