mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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