Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She bit a glass in half.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
