I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You're like the curious george of whores
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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