oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
