Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
