I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
